


Picking Up the Pieces

by Dawnrider, lemonlush



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Only the spouses die, Smut, Widowed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:22:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25860526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawnrider/pseuds/Dawnrider, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonlush/pseuds/lemonlush
Summary: Kagome and Inuyasha have both lost their spouses due to different calamities. As the parents of newborns, they now find themselves coming together to raise their children through sheer necessity, and learn to create a new family from the ashes of tragedy.
Relationships: Higurashi Kagome/InuYasha
Comments: 50
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MamaBearCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MamaBearCat/gifts).



Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from the Inuyasha universe, but I sure do love playing with them. The rest is mine.

* * *

Chapter 1

"Shhh...Kenji...Not now, sweetheart," Kagome soothed, her son's wailing bouncing off of the walls of their small hut and causing her to squeeze her eyes shut in frustration. He was inconsolable. Again.

She couldn't fault him.

Most nights, she was inconsolable too. It had been months now since her husband, Hojo, had passed in a hunting accident - he had been run through by a wild boar. The shock of seeing his bloodied body...it had almost sent her into an early labor.

Now, it was just the two of them, and the poor boy had never even had the chance to meet his father.

"Kenji, please," Kagome begged, shrugging her yukata open and bringing her infant son to her breast. It took a few minutes before the boy latched on to her toughening nipple, but once he did, she sighed in relief as silence filled her small hut. Never before had she appreciated silence as much as she did now. The throbbing in her temples was easing ever so slightly, and she felt like she could breathe again…just for a moment.

"Thank you, sweetheart," she sighed, holding him tightly to her chest as she cherished her few moments of blissful silence.

So far, it had been hard raising Kenji all on her own with no husband to help her. No husband to share her pains with or delight in Kenji's developments. She missed Hojo...her sweet, yet daft man...he had always been so aloof, and that had been his downfall.

Their downfall.

A knock came from her door as Kenji finished his meal, and Kagome lifted him over her shoulder and gently patted his back as she opened it.

"Kikyo," Kagome smiled, almost relieved to see the woman on the other side of the door. She was a regal, elegant woman who was one of the village mikos, beloved by all not only for her healing abilities, but also for her kindness. She had been there when Hojo passed. If Kikyo couldn't save him, there had been no hope for him to begin with.

She wore her long, black hair loose that day, and Kagome absently noticed the winter wind tussling it and somehow adding to her beauty. Kikyo's cinnamon eyes were warm and calming, her lips full and smiling.

"Kagome," she greeted warmly, one hand wrapped around her full, plump belly. The other held a bowl with raw meat inside. "How are you, my dear? How is our little Kenji today?"

"Crying up a storm until a few moments ago...I just fed him, and he's quieted a bit. I think he might sleep soon…or so I hope, at least," she replied, her tired laugh sounding almost foreign to her own ears.

"Well, I won't keep you - I wanted to bring you some of Inuyasha's hunt," she explained, holding the bowl out to her. Inuyasha was as good and kind as Kikyo. A half demon who had lived amongst them for the past five years, he had become a protector for them all. He helped keep lesser demons at bay, his own demonic aura strong enough to warn them off. Stronger ones who sought anything more than a hut to spend the night in were quickly met with the sharp end of his blade.

The most intriguing thing about Inuyasha, however, was his marriage to Kikyo.

He had fallen in love with the miko shortly after arriving at the village and had spent the subsequent two years ingratiating himself with the villagers, slowly trying to woo her.

What he hadn't known at the time was that he needn't try as hard as he had.

Kikyo had fallen for him almost as soon as he met him.

The two were lovesick fools, living only within each other and only having eyes for one another.

Now, Kikyo carried their first child within her womb. It had taken years of trying, which, when she was amongst friendly ears at the hot spring, she joked was something Inuyasha had been more than happy to practice doing. Now, they were done practicing and the woman glowed. Their happiness was infectious - it was hard not to smile when around either one of the couple.

"Kikyo…"

"He is still preparing the rest of his hunt, but he mentioned wanting to come by tomorrow to drop them off? He admires your tanning work, Kagome. Truly. He never brings back more coin or rice than when he works with you."

"And I'm thankful for his business. Truly...I don't know what I would do without either of you."

"Persevere, my dear," she replied knowingly as she handed the bowl to her. "You have a fighting spirit in you. I've always held that belief - ever since we were children and you saved me from drowning in the river."

Kagome remembered that day well...it still visited her in her dreams on some nights. She was proud.

"Oh!" Kikyo gasped, her arms wrapping around her straining belly. "He's feisty today!"

"He takes after his father," Kagome smirked, and the women giggled in unison together.

"Maybe," she agreed. "I...I hope it's a boy, even though I know Inuyasha secretly longs for a girl. I want to be able to give him this...a strong little boy to carry on his lineage...and I hope he's the spitting image of his father."

"I hope the Kamis smile favorably upon you both, Kikyo...I hope you have a strong, healthy boy."

* * *

"Kagome," Inuyasha greeted, and Kagome gathered the furs he had left with her to tan.

"Inuyasha, these were a dream to work on...your knife skills are superb," she complimented, handing them to the man. He blushed sweetly under her praise...and also in slight embarrassment.

"Thank you," he mumbled, taking the furs from her. "I don't...use a knife," he admitted quietly, and Kagome's brow furrowed in confusion before smoothing in understanding. He used his claws. Of course he did...she had been foolish to think otherwise.

"Well, regardless of what you used, you did a wonderful job," she smiled brightly, trying to smooth over her unintentional gaff. "How is your son?"

The hanyou's face instantly brightened as he told her all about his newborn infant and also how wonderful a mother Kikyo was. He was so proud of her - her labor had been long and hard, and he had nearly forced his way into the birthing room when her cries of pain had reached him...but...she championed on without him and delivered him with the most precious gift he could have ever asked for.

A family.

They had yet to name him, but Kagome knew it would happen soon.

"I don't want to leave them right now, but Kikyo insisted. We could use some more fabric to make him some clothes. I always knew babies were messy, but I never anticipated this," he smiled wryly.

"You wouldn't trade it for anything in the world though, would you?"

"Not a thing."

* * *

The sky was red, and the air was filled with smoke...Kagome didn't understand what was happening...didn't know what was going on…

She didn't know if she should take Kenji and run or grab a knife and hunker down in the corner of her hut.

Screams filled the air as she clutched her son closer to her bosom before wrapping him to her front. She grabbed the knife, suddenly determined to make a run for the forest. She could always come back and find home again...but if she stayed…

A roar tore through the air in the distance, and Kagome felt her heart jump into her throat.

Inuyasha was home.

They would be saved.

* * *

The screams had stopped, but the air still smelled singed - it was full of ash and destruction. Her home had been spared, but others weren't as fortunate. Others...like Inuyasha.

When she found him with Kenji strapped to her front, he was sitting amongst the rubble of his home. It was hard to look at Kikyo...the bloodied wounds and the singed flesh...but it was harder to look at Inuyasha. She had never seen him cry before. No...not even cry. Openly weep. He was always so strong...always protected everyone…

To see him like this...clutching his bride to his chest as his new born babe wailed for his mother…

Her feet moved her to him, and she took him into her arms and tried to share in his pain.

A part of her hated herself for being weak...for not doing more for him and the others. She had chosen to stay inside and protect her child instead of trying to fight for their village.

But...he was her son. She couldn't abandon him like that and possibly even orphan him permanently. She was all Kenji had...and that was why she stood by her decision. What could one, small onna really do in the face of that tragedy?

Kagome felt Inuyasha's tears soak into her yukata as he turned his face into her neck, accepting the comfort she offered him.

* * *

"I know little one, I know…" Kagome soothed, running her fingers through Inuyasha's son's hair. He wasn't eating and was fighting against it and her. He knew on an instinctual level that she wasn't his mother, but...he needed to eat.

She had welcomed Inuyasha into her home, despite his initial uncertainty at the prospect. She had insisted, however. He had a son now. He couldn't run off to a cave to wallow and rot until he joined his wife in the afterlife. He had his babe to think of, and somehow, she had convinced him that moving in with her was the right decision...at least until his son was old enough to no longer need milk.

Kenji could share. Or learn to, at least.

That was provided this sweet angel stopped caterwauling and took her breast.

"Please, sweet boy...you have to," she quietly begged as he turned away from her breast.

"You don't smell like her," Inuyasha whispered from the other side of the room.

Kagome thought she had imagined it at first. It was hard to hear anything over his son's wailing, but she looked up at the man sitting on the other side of her hut that was allowing her son to gnaw at his knuckle. His face was exhausted - his eyes were sunken in, and there were giant bags under them. She knew he wasn't sleeping. She didn't know if it was because he couldn't or because he didn't want to, but either way, she knew he wasn't.

"He's rejecting you because you aren't her. He's stubborn like me...doesn't know what's good for him, just like me…" she watched Inuyasha roll his head back against her wall, staring up at the ceiling. "He got too much from me...he should have been more like his mother."

Kagome swallowed hard as he closed his eyes, his face twisting in pain again.

He still cried.

She didn't think Inuyasha was aware that she knew, but she did. She didn't judge him - she knew that pain all too well herself. She just wished she could do more to help him.

"Perhaps we can change that...did she have a special smell? Something I could rub myself in?"

Inuyasha was quiet for a long time again as she continued to fight with his son, begging him to take her breast.

"Tiger lilies."

Kagome looked back up at Inuyasha, her brows raised in surprise.

"She smelled like tiger lilies," he said a bit louder, looking at her again. "I'll find some when he's calmer."

"Tiger lilies..." she acknowledged, pushing some of her hair behind her ear. "How lovely!"

"She was," he agreed, closing his eyes and rolling his head back again.

She continued to struggle to feed his son until he cried himself to sleep.

* * *

Her home was always filled with tiger lilies. The air was so potent with their scent that she could smell it in every corner. Inuyasha must have plucked every one he found in a field and filled every bucket she owned with them. It was beautiful, if not a little overpowering...but it seemed to help his son take to her breast a little better.

He still fought her, but not nearly as much now. He was a bit more willing to accept her milk, and she was relieved. He was beginning to turn a corner. Inuyasha, however…

Inuyasha was still struggling. She knew that he would sneak away during the night sometimes. She had wondered where he went at first, but one day, he came back with dirt smudged across his cheek.

It didn't take much after that to know.

He was sleeping at Kikyo's grave.

She didn't comment on it, and knew better than to pry. She had slept in Hojo's sleep yukata as she grieved her own loss. This was part of Inuyasha's, and she respected that. She had merely wet a cloth and wiped his cheek. He had sputtered out some explanation of rubbing his cheek when he went fishing, and she nodded as she returned to stir their rice.

Kenji began to fuss, and Inuyasha picked him up and handed her son to her.

"Are you ready for breakfast, my sweet Kenji?" she asked lovingly, opening her yukata. He found her breast and immediately latched on, her nipples now tougher than they had once been. He had become better at feeding as he got older, and that was something she appreciated. Now, she only needed to fight with one baby to eat…

Kagome glanced up at Inuyasha to see that he had moved to his own son, laying on his side next to the sleeping babe. He never looked directly at her when she fed the children - he always slightly averted his eyes, as if to give her some privacy...but he never left. She could sense that he didn't want to leave either of the boys, and she appreciated it.

As Kenji finished, Inuyasha's babe awakened, and he traded children with her before she asked him to stir the rice.

"Will you be fine looking after the boys on your own today?" he asked as his son swatted at her again before finally relenting and taking her milk.

"Yes...I should be," she confirmed, puzzled by his question.

"I'm going to go hunting again," he explained, finally meeting her eyes for the first time in...she wasn't quite sure when. Since the day he had left to trade the furs? "The boys are growing and he...they could both use more clothes."

She struggled to find the words to tell him that he didn't have to go, but she understood if he felt that he needed to. If he needed time alone in the woods, she understood. If he needed to run away from the village to scream and cry and tear at the earth, she understood.

Instead, she nodded and gave her thanks.

He was gone after breakfast.

* * *

"Stop crying...please…" Inuyasha begged, roughly bouncing his son in his arms. He wasn't hungry. He didn't smell. He wouldn't play. He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him. He was trying everything he could think of, but it wasn't working.

His son's wails were beginning to give him a headache. Inuyasha's ears were pressed flat to his head just to try and block some of it out.

It. Wasn't. Working.

"Come on...what do you want?" he begged, bouncing him a bit harder. "Do you want your ball?" he tried, picking it up and handing it to him. He had no interest in it, and Inuyasha bit the inside of his cheek. What the fuck did he _want_?

He was the kid's father - he should know! He should be able to figure it out!

"What do you want?" he tried again, as if he expected the words to fall from his son's mouth instead of the wails. "Do you want me to tell you a story?" he asked, his strained words gaining volume. "Do you want to eat? Do you want a song? What do you want?!" he all but screamed, and Kagome called his name and pulled his attention to her. She had been cooking dinner when he had noticed that Kenji needed to be changed, and she had left to handle it. That's when all hell had broken loose.

"Inuyasha, try this," Kagome urged, holding Kenji to her shoulder and firmly patting his back. "Do it like this...time it to your heart beat," she instructed, coming to stand beside him as he mirrored her hold.

He raised his hand to his son's back and began to pat, watching Kagome and timing his movements to hers. His son continued his wailing for a few more moments until it slowly started to subside and became merely trembling with the occasional hiccup.

"There you go," Kagome smiled warmly, putting Kenji into a fabric wrap across her front. "He's all better now! Look at that happy boy," she cooed, wiggling a finger in front of his son's face from over his shoulder. The infant reached out to grab it, and she giggled. "Did you steal my finger from me?" she gasped, and Inuyasha turned his head as best as he could to watch the pair in fascination and awe.

"How am I going to make your papa any dinner if you have my finger, you little rascal? Can I have my finger back?" she asked warmly, crooking her finger and moving it from side to side, making his fist wiggle.

He watched his son watch Kagome in fascination for a moment before he let go of her finger.

"Thank you, sweet boy!" she grinned, kissing the top of the baby's head as he continued to pat his back. "I think that stew should be done soon," she pondered, moving across her hut to stir the pot.

How had she done that? How could she just...swoop in and make him stop crying? Why couldn't _he_ do that? Was he not good enough for him? Was he not...he didn't know how to do any of this, did he? He was all but screaming at his baby when Kagome had saved him. He had been so angry! He just wanted the crying to _stop_. He had wanted the headache and the frustration to just _go away_. He wasn't good at _any_ of this.

"We're a little low on firewood," Kagome commented, drawing him away from his thoughts. "Would you mind bringing some back tomorrow?"

He opened his mouth to tell her that he would, but the words wouldn't come. Instead, he could only nod his head. She glanced up at him, raising an uncertain brow, and he realized that...of course...she had no idea he had said he would. Her focus was on dinner.

Because she fed him - him _and_ his son. She gave them a roof over their heads and a bed to sleep in. What did he do? What was he even good at?

He wasn't sure he knew anymore.

He couldn't protect anyone, that was for sure. He couldn't keep Kikyo from dying. He hadn't made it back to the village fast enough. She was dead because of him, and it was all _his_ fucking fault. He shouldn't have left to trade those damn furs. If he hadn't...

"Yeah," he croaked.

He couldn't stay.

He couldn't do this. What good was he? His son didn't need him. He couldn't do anything for him. Couldn't soothe him on his own…couldn't feed him...what good was he to him?

What good was he to anyone?

Without Kikyo…

He was nothing without Kikyo. He couldn't do this without her. He couldn't raise their son on his own. They were supposed to do this together...he couldn't do this without her...

"I'll go now. Can you watch him for me?"

"Of course," she smiled, opening an arm to take his son from him. His fingers moved down to the boy's cheek - his thumb rubbing his soft, wet skin tenderly. He looked so sweetly innocent with those twin golden eyes gazing back into his.

He wanted to remember his son's face and how perfect it was, right now, for the rest of his life. He wanted to take that with him.

"You be good for Kagome, you hear?" he smiled wryly, leaning down to kiss the top of his head. Inuyasha closed his eyes, inhaling deeply so that he could remember his smell.

"This little angel?" Kagome teased. "You don't have to worry about a thing."

"Thank you, Kagome. For everything."

She glanced back up at him as he turned to leave, unwilling to delay what he knew in his heart was best.

* * *

A/N: Story written for MamaBearCat for her birthday! The story is already completely written and will slowly be uploaded as Saucy can edit it. Thanks to Dawnrider for working on this with me and the feedback!! Find out how to read the next chapter early on my tumblr!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from the Inuyasha universe, but I sure do love playing with them. The rest is mine.

* * *

Chapter 2

He had run deep into the forest, trying to put distance between himself and his son and...his new mother. Kagome would be good for him - better than he could ever be. He didn't know how to care for him the way she did, and he knew...he _knew_ that she would take care of him.

It was in her nature.

Kagome had always been a kind woman and he had always liked her, ever since he had first come by the village. She had a good heart, and she was always a calming presence. She was a good listener, too. There was just something about her that made people open up to her...maybe it was the warmth in her eyes?

Inuyasha leaned his back against the cave wall, closing his eyes as images of his son plagued his mind. He was doing the right thing. He had yelled at him. Kikyo never would have let her temper get the best of her, and she would have stopped him before it got to that point.

He just couldn't take it anymore! He didn't know what he was doing! He was going to ruin that boy...he just _knew_ it.

This was the right thing to do.

But…

If leaving was the right thing to do, why was his demon screaming at him to turn his ass back around and take care of his child? Why wouldn't it shut up and let him do what was best?

Because...this...this was what was best, right?

He stood a better chance with Kagome than he did with him.

But...why...why couldn't he have both?

Why couldn't he have both Kagome and him? At least for the next year?

Maybe...maybe he wasn't good at this now, but...Kagome was so kind…

Maybe she would teach him to be better.

Yeah, right...teach him?

_Him?_

He hardly knew how to hold her child, and he was a good three moons older than his.

"Oh, Kikyo…I'm such a failure," his bemoaned, rubbing his eyes as they began to prickle with tears.

Kikyo...what would _she_ think of this? What would she say if she knew he was abandoning their son? They had wanted a family so badly - they had tried for years, and now that his son was here, he was going to run away from him? She would be sickened at his choice.

She would tell him that this wasn't a decision that the man she had married would make, and in this moment, she would be right. Had he really changed that much since that fucking night?

He wished he could gut those bandits all over again. He had never taken pleasure in killing before, but their murder...their murder, he had.

Maybe he _had_ changed that much. Kikyo would be so ashamed of him, but...he could find a way back to who he had been, couldn't he? He could still redeem himself and be a man she was proud of. He had only been gone for a few hours now, and he could still go back. Kagome probably wouldn't even question it. That's just who she was.

His demon urged him to go back. It whispered encouragement in his ears as his thoughts continued down that path. He didn't have to decide right this second. He had already been gone this long, and he could use some firewood if he was going to stay in his old cave for the night.

Maybe he should cut some down. See how he felt after that.

Yeah.

That felt wise.

* * *

"Inuyasha," Kagome warmly greeted when she opened the door. "Thank you for bringing the firewood tonight."

Inuyasha nodded his head as she stepped aside, welcoming him into her home.

"I left your dinner on the table," she gestured as he put the wood down and Kenji began to fuss for her. "I'm coming, sweetheart," she soothed, picking him up and freeing her breast. She sighed in relief when he latched onto her, and she swayed as he fed before glancing back over to Inuyasha. He had been gone for quite some time - much longer than he needed to be to bring home some firewood. She couldn't blame him, though.

She struggled with being a parent as well, and when she had returned with Kenji earlier, she could tell that he was at his wits' end. He needed a moment alone to sort himself out. Every new parent did.

"Thank you, Kagome. For watching over my son earlier," Inuyasha whispered, and she turned to give him a warm, understanding smile.

"Of course, Inuyasha."

"The stew is good," he awkwardly complimented, unable to look at her for some reason, and she kneeled down at the table across from him. He shifted his gaze further away from her, and she pursed her lips together before her shoulders slumped and she sighed.

She wasn't going to ask him about it. He'd had a long day - when he wasn't home with her and helping with the children, he was helping the villagers in need rebuild their homes...and if he wasn't doing that, he was off hunting to provide for her and their children.

Kenji pulled away from her and she closed her yukata, bringing him and a cloth on the table over her shoulder as she patted his back.

"You're so good at that," Inuyasha whispered, his ears drooped and his gaze on Kenji's back.

"I'm not nearly as good as you think," she smiled wanly. "There are days when I want to scream and rip my hair out and I feel so helpless," she confessed, and she saw his eyes widen at her words. "I remember this one day," she mused. "Kenji was no older than your son, and I couldn't get him to stop crying. I just...gave up. I placed him on the futon and went outside for a good fifteen minutes and sobbed. Eri saw me," she recalled, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Eri was perhaps her closest friend in the village and a mother as well.

She told Inuyasha how her friend had swept her into her arms and comforted her before showing her a new way of soothing Kenji. It was the same technique she had shown Inuyasha a few hours before.

"Sometimes...babies just...cry. They are new to our world, and they don't understand why they aren't in that nice, warm place anymore and listening to their mother's heartbeat. They're trying to make sense of what's happened to them."

Inuyasha was silent, his eyes glued on his bowl of stew as she finished her tale.

Kagome reached out to him placing her hand on his, and his eyes flitted up to hers.

"Everyone helps here, Inuyasha, and I'm thankful for it. Without you and the other villagers...I don't know where I would be. I'm thankful to be living here, where everyone lends a hand when and where they can."

She hoped he understood her double meaning. She didn't want to say more and make him uncomfortable.

"Come to bed when you're done? Your son sleeps better when his father is near - even if you don't sleep," she smiled wanly as he opened his mouth to tell her he wasn't tired. It was a line he fed her every night as he sat against the wall by the entrance to her home.

It was true, too.

She had caught Inuyasha napping once or twice, when he was so overcome with exhaustion that his body simply gave in. It was in those moments that his son truly settled for a good, solid rest. Inuyasha closed his mouth again and nodded, saying nothing more.

Kagome pulled back the covers of her futon and nestled herself inside, pulling Kenji close as she waited for Inuyasha to join them. She didn't have to wait long.

"Should I...do you…"

Kagome looked up at him but said nothing as she waited for him to speak his mind.

"I'll sleep over the sheets," he seemed to decide, and she nodded her acknowledgment.

"If you would like, Hojo's sleep yukatas are still in that chest over there," she pointed towards the wall, and she watched him clench and unclench his fists. "But you don't need to sleep in it if you're uncomfortable—"

"—No. I...thank you. I should...change, if...if you don't mind me borrowing it..."

"It's yours to borrow."

She snuggled into her son as he changed somewhere above her head, the rustling of fabric filling her hut. When he was done, he climbed onto Hojo's old spot and turned onto his side to face them, resting his head on his arm. She absently noticed that the fabric looked a bit too tight on him and the front didn't quite close right, but what really captured her attention wasn't the yukata...it was his eyes. They were glued to his sleeping son's form as the boy instinctively reached an arm towards him. She watched Inuyasha tenderly run his fingers through the small boy's hair.

They were silent for a long time, the darkness covering them like a thick blanket.

"I almost didn't come back."

Kagome's breath caught in her throat but she remained quiet, silently urging him to continue.

"Earlier today...I couldn't do it. I'm not a good father. I'm not what he needs. I-I don't know how to do this without Kikyo. I can't be a father on my own. I don't know how to do any of this...I thought, if I left him now, with you, he'd have a better chance at growing up right. But...then I thought, 'What would Kikyo think of me? How disappointed would she be in me?' and I knew deep down that it was wrong, but...it felt like the right thing to do…"

He fell silent then, and Kagome reached out to him and took his hand in hers.

"You aren't alone, Inuyasha. You never will be. Never again."

* * *

Kagome handed Inuyasha a soft cloth as she applied a bit of soap to her own damp one before gently rubbing it across Kenji's skin.

"I know, we don't like bath time," she cooed as her son made a face, "but we can't stay stinky, can we?"

"They coulda gone another day - I woulda been fine still," Inuyasha teased, beginning to wash his own son. He was two and a half moons old now, her own son nearly six. It had been a moon since that fateful night when Inuyasha had almost left, and she had felt herself finally relax. He wasn't going anywhere. Not now. She believed that now. She had been a bit more nervous the first time he walked out the door after his confession, but...she knew in the pit of her stomach that he would be back.

He had just...had a moment of frustration and weakness. All parents did.

He loved his boy too much to truly go, and he wouldn't shame Kikyo's memory. As he had said - what would she think of him if he did?

Inuyasha had come a long way since last month, closely watching her with Kenji and mirroring all of her techniques. The night of the new moon, however...that had been a hard night for everyone. Inuyasha had been antsy all day - quick to annoy and particularly stubborn. He hardly left the hut or his son's side all day, and she found herself perplexed by his behavior until he finally confessed what would happen in a few hours' time...and what he suspected would happen to his son.

He had been right.

His son had struggled with his human transformation. Inuyasha hadn't known how to help him, and for once, she hadn't known what to do either. He wailed all through the night, leaving everyone irritable the next day. She hoped that next month would be better, but she was pleasantly surprised by Inuyasha's ability to remain calm. Perhaps it was because his human side had taken over for the night, or perhaps it was because he was determined to sit through this with his boy this time.

Regardless, she had been impressed.

"Your nose might have been able to, but mine couldn't," she teased back, watching Inuyasha tenderly run his cloth over his son's skin as he supported his neck, just as she had taught him.

He chuckled, shifting his eyes to hers. "I think I still have the more sensitive nose, Onna."

"I still think mine is better when it comes to personal hygiene, Aibō," she shot back, her lips quirking up into a smirk as her eyebrow rose.

Inuyasha's fingers dipped into the water and flicked it up at her in response, and she squealed as it landed on her cheeks and in her hair.

"Inuyasha!"

"What?" he replied innocently, doing it again. She squealed as it landed on her and glared back at him. "Something wrong?"

She flicked water back at him and he turned his head to the side, trying to bring up the hand not supporting his son to protect his face. It didn't work well.

"Oi!"

"Something the matter, Inuyasha?"

He glared at her before an evil, mischievous smirk spread across his face and he flicked more water at her - the war truly beginning as they soaked one another and her hut filled with their squeals. She only stopped when Kenji gurgled out a laugh in the small tub.

His first laugh.

"Oh! Inuyasha," she breathed, her heart filled with so much joy it felt like it was going to explode. He placed a hand on her back between her shoulder blades, and she glanced up at him.

His eyes were warm, as if he understood the importance of this moment for her...and she shot him an appreciative, grateful smile that she didn't have to share it alone.

* * *

"What about Taro?"

"First son? A little on the nose," Kagome replied, scrunching hers. Kenji was tucked into her side as they laid on her futon. Soft firelight warmed the walls of her small hut, and she gazed over at Inuyasha as he laid on his back beside her, his son sleeping on his chest. She watched his little fist latch onto the yukata Inuyasha wore, the fabric bunching as he clung to his father.

He was four moons old now. It was time he had a name.

"Better than Shuzo," he teased.

"Third son? Yes, it is...what about Ryuu?"

"He's inu, not dragon," Inuyasha snorted, and Kagome couldn't help but giggle.

"He is," she agreed. "Minoru?"

"Minoru…" he pondered, the name rolling around in his head before he dismissed it. "Daisuke?"

"Daisuke…" she whispered, and Inuyasha's son began to stir as he woke up for his nightly snack. "It's not bad," she decided, taking his son from him as she opened her yukata. Inuyasha shifted his gaze up to the ceiling, and she sighed in relief as the babe latched onto her and suckled at her breast.

"So...maybe Daisuke, then."

"Maybe," she agreed. "Basho?"

Only the sounds of his son's feeding filled the room as he pondered it.

"I think we can do better."

"We?"

She knew that she wasn't the boy's mother, but this...she almost felt like it, at times. She shared her bed with him and his father, helped care for him, let him suckle from her breast...she needed to find a way to create a mental barrier. Inuyasha would leave one day, and he would take his son with him...no matter how much she was becoming attached to him.

The son.

Not...not Inuyasha.

They had been with her for three moons now, and it was...nice. She wasn't lonely in the nights anymore. She didn't feel the pressure of being a single parent anymore. It was nice. All of this...it was nice.

"You and me," he replied, furrowing his brow. "You must be exhausted - why don't you get some sleep while you can? I can take care of the boys when they wake up."

"Unless you can feed them, you can't do much," she replied wryly.

"I could try," he shrugged. "Just open up my yukata and see if they take to what I've got."

She laughed at that, her head rolling back as the sound filled the room.

"Shhh…" Inuyasha scolded, "You'll wake up Kenji!"

"Well, then you can just try feeding him," she grinned, and she watched his shoulders lightly shake as a chuckle bubbled past his lips.

"I don't think I could do as good a job as you. You're an amazing mother, Kagome," he whispered sweetly. "Kenji is a lucky boy."

"You're a good father too, you know," she replied, and he closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, but he didn't respond. "You do, don't you?"

Inuyasha remained silent for a long time, and she began to get the feeling that he didn't believe it. When his son finished, he sat up and took the boy from her, placing the cloth they kept by the bed over his shoulder as he began to pat his son's back. Just how Kagome taught him.

"I didn't know my father," he confessed, and Kagome found herself straining to hear him. His words were so quiet...but she knew what he had said. She couldn't have mistaken that. "He passed when I was an infant. Struck down by some great foe, my mother always said. I always wondered what he was like...and she said that he was tall and handsome and strong - one of the best warriors in the land. He was so excited for me to be born, and when I was...she said he almost never put me down. He knew what to name me the second he saw me.

He wasn't weak, like me. Or scared. But...how can I be a good father when I didn't even know who mine was? How…" Inuyasha closed his eyes, laying back down with his son on his chest. "How can I ever hope to be a good father when I don't even know what that looks like?"

Kagome reached out and cupped his face, making him look at her.

"You can be a good father even if you never knew yours, Inuyasha. Everything you're doing...you're doing it out of love. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect, but the place your actions are coming from, and the love I feel from you for him...that's what makes you a good father."

He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as her words swirled around in his head. He was quiet for so long that she found her eyes finally drooping as the fire began to die, and she could feel sleep's fingertips beckoning her forward toward a peaceful slumber.

"Why did you pick Kenji?" Inuyasha asked, his voice breaking through her foggy mind. "You made fun of Taro, but Kenji? He's not a second son...is he?"

"It was Hojo's father's name. We had briefly discussed it before he died. If it was a boy, he wanted to name him Kenji...so I did to honor his father, and his father's father."

"That's nice," he breathed, and she made a small sound of agreement. "Kikyo's father's name was Akio. Maybe...maybe that. So he always has a piece of his mother with him?"

"I think that's a lovely idea and a wonderful name, Inuyasha."

"Akio, then."

* * *

A/N: THANKS FOR THE AMAZING RESPONSE TO THIS FIC! You're all AWESOME! Next update should be 9/23, but if you want it sooner, check out my tumblr page for more info! Thanks as always to Saucy for the edits. YOU ALL ROCK!

Until next time!

-LL


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from the Inuyasha universe or any of the popular name brand apps, products, services, etc. The rest is mine.

* * *

Chapter 3

Kagome watched Inuyasha toss Kenji in the air as she removed their clean laundry from the clothesline, the boy squealing in delight.

"Be careful," she cautioned. She didn't know why, though - he always was.

Kenji loved Inuyasha. He was only eight months old now, but Kenji lit up whenever Inuyasha was around. He was always so eager to play with him or be held by him...Inuyasha was the father he had never had a chance to know.

When they no longer lived with them...she was worried about how he would handle it. She knew that he would be able to still see Inuyasha and Akio around the village, but...she also knew that it would be like losing a father and a brother.

"I will," Inuyasha promised, and she shot him an appreciative smile. "I should start hunting for winter," Inuyasha mused as he put Kenji down, allowing the boy to play with Akio. The boys began picking up some of the toys they had brought out with them and waving them around at each other as they gurgled secrets to each other in their own special language.

Kagome watched them with adoration and a warmth spreading through her heart. She loved watching the boys play together. Their beautiful comradery…

"Yes," she agreed. "We should start making preparations. I need to start drying herbs while I can still find them."

"I'll go tomorrow. Will you be able to watch them on your own?"

"Of course," she smiled, removing one of his sleep yukatas from the line. It didn't fit Inuyasha very well. Hojo had been a thin, wiry man, and Inuyasha's shoulders were significantly broader. From the accidental glimpses she had caught over the last few months, Inuyasha was _far_ more muscular than Hojo had been.

She felt her cheeks heat at the thought, and she tried to busy herself with folding the cloth in her hands.

Perhaps, she should sew him his own yukata. He hadn't asked her to, but he had also been wary of borrowing Hojo's old clothes to begin with.

"Inuyasha, when you trade the furs we have now, would you bring home some new fabric?"

"Of course - do the boys need new clothes for winter?"

They did, but...it...it was time she repurposed Hojo's old things. He had been gone for nine months. It was time.

"I think I should start. Can you bring back a lot of fabric?"

"Just tell me how much you need."

Enough for a new yukata.

* * *

"What's it like?" Inuyasha asked, laying beside her. His son was attached to one breast and hers was feeding on the other.

"Nursing?" she asked, trying to clarify, the sounds of their children suckling filling the quiet air around them.

She watched Inuyasha nod his head, his eyes still firmly fixated on the ceiling above.

"It feels….nice. I can feel their mouths tugging at me, but also...it's very…" she paused, trying to find the words to explain. "It's relaxing. It's like there's this pressure that's been building up inside me, and when they begin to suckle, it's suddenly released. I can feel them tugging at me and holding onto me...and...I feel warm and relaxed. I've never known a greater feeling of peace than when I'm nursing, and when I look at them, I just...I have this overwhelming _feeling_ build up in my chest...like I know I would do anything for them and anything to keep them safe, and happy, and warm, and make them feel loved…" she trailed off, watching as Inuyasha's whole body go limp.

"Inuyasha?" she whispered, but he said nothing and had closed his eyes.

"I know I'm always thanking you...but...thank you, Kagome. Truly. There are not many that would help a half-breed and his motherless, tainted child."

She felt her breath catch in her throat and she forced herself to swallow, trying to keep her emotions in check.

"I'd help no matter who or what you are, Inuyasha," she whispered quietly. "I have the ability to give of myself, and I am. Your heritage means nothing to me."

He said nothing, and suddenly, what had once been a comfortable silence became suffocating.

"You sound like her, you know," he breathed, his words so soft she almost thought she imagined them. "Kikyo used to say the same things to me. She loved me for me. My blood didn't matter. My blood made me who I am…"

"She was a good woman," Kagome soothed. "A wise one."

"One of the best I ever knew," he mused softly. "I miss her so much...how did you do it? How did you move on from Hojo?"

"I-I don't think I have, Inuyasha," she confessed, pulling her son closer to her. "I've just...forced myself to carry on for Kenji's sake. He needs me to be strong for him, even when all I want to do is collapse in on myself and cry until I join him."

"But you don't, because you need to be stronger than that. For your son's sake," he nodded. "He needs you to look after him...care for him...f-feed him…even when...e-even when you don't feel like you can breathe, l-let alone move…" he agreed, his voice thick and rough with emotion.

"Something like that," she whispered, a sad smile tugging at her lips. "The nights were the hardest at first," she confessed.

"Because you're left alone with your thoughts? Nothing to distract you?"

"Nothing but Kenji…" she agreed, staring at the hanyou's slumped form.

"Me too," he breathed. "It's still hard to sleep. Even with you and Akio and Kenji, it's hard. Every time I close my eyes, I see her...and I remember how I failed to protect her."

"You didn't fail—"

"—she's dead, isn't she?" he snapped, whirling his head to face her before he instantly realized that he could see the boys nursing from her, and he turned to stare at the ceiling again. "I-I'm so sorry, Kagome...I didn't mean to—"

"—it's fine, Inuyasha," she comforted, and she finally began to piece together why Inuyasha was so insistent upon not looking at her when she nursed. It was because he was a hanyou, and he felt it wasn't proper.

"It's not fine. I...I lost control, and I shouldn't...I'm sorry, Kagome."

She swallowed as his child finished his meal, looking up at her with his beautiful, innocent, big, golden eyes.

"I forgive you."

* * *

Inuyasha watched Kagome pick herbs in a field, singing sweet songs to their children as she worked. Her fingers were fast and sure, stuffing the herbs into a satchel as she worked and trying to get as much done as she could as the wind began to smell of fall.

She had a beautiful singing voice and a beautiful heart. He was lucky that he and Akio had her in their lives.

His son gurgled and reached for her when her song became more animated and lively, and she paused in her work to pick him up and press kisses to his belly. Inuyasha felt his face soften at the pure innocence and love being displayed, and for the first time since Kikyo had passed, he felt the ever present ache in his heart ease.

* * *

"Kagome, I'm back," Inuyasha warmly greeted from the doorway, and Kagome looked up from giving the boys a bath.

"Inuyasha!" she beamed before squealing as the boys began reacting to his presence by splashing water in her face. "I think you were missed," she giggled as he put the fabric and rice down.

"Me? You missed Papa?" he asked the boys, stooping to kiss each one's head. Kenji reached out his hands and was clearly asking to be held, and he obliged as Akio asked for the same.

Kagome scolded him as he removed his son from the bath and water spilled onto the floor, but her smile belied her angry words.

"They just want to see Papa," he teased, kissing the boys' cheeks. He then watched sadness flicker into her eyes before they flitted away from him and toward his haul.

"Well, it would seem that Papa brought back quite a bit!" she mused, opening a satchel to look at the rice inside. "This is wonderful, Inuyasha! You got all of this from the furs?"

He was silent for a moment before slowly admitting that it had taken a bit more than just the furs. He had been asked to eradicate a bear youkai that had been plaguing their village as well.

"But look! I was able to bring back a lot of fabric for the boys," he beamed. "And...they even gave me something for you."

Inuyasha reached into his pocket and took out a thin jade bangle wrapped in gold and slipped it around her wrist.

"Inuyasha," she breathed, the heat of his hands making her skin tingle as his claws gently scraped against her flesh. When he released her hand, she kept hers held out in front of her, her eyes glued to the bracelet on her wrist.

"Inuyasha, I can't accept this…"

S-she couldn't?

"Why not?" he demanded. "It looks good on you!"

"And it's impractical," she replied, looking at the gold filigree covering the bangle. "You...you should sell it for supplies for you and Akio," she decided, shaking her head and removing it from her wrist before pressing it into his chest. "It's the wise thing to do...so that you will have something for when you leave and rebuild your hut in the spring."

"For when I…" he trailed off, having never considered her words. When the headman had asked if he had a woman waiting for him at home, his first thought had been of Kagome nursing his son. When he offered him the bangle, he had said yes because he wanted to thank her for taking them in.

But…of course she wanted them to leave eventually. This was never supposed to be permanent, and if he stayed, he would only be hurting her chances of finding a new husband one day. He had been so blind...so quick to forget that this was all temporary.

"If that's what you want, Kagome."

"I think it's for the best. You earned this, Inuyasha. You should use it for you and Akio."

"And you haven't," he suddenly snapped, and she took a step back in surprise at his outburst. "I'm sorry," he sighed. "I just...wanted to give you something nice to thank you for what you've done for us."

"You've been good to Kenji and me, Inuyasha. Hunted for us...given us your business...I don't need more thanks than that."

He nodded and pocketed the bangle.

* * *

Kagome sat by the fire, watching Inuyasha tuck their boys in as she sewed furs together for a new, warmer blanket at night. The old one she shared with Hojo was too small for four people, and she wanted to get it done before the cold really set in.

Kenji reached out to Inuyasha and grabbed a hold of his forelocks, keeping him from moving away from him. He leaned down to place a kiss on the infant's forehead before moving to his belly and blowing into it. That set off a round of giggles that made her babe release Inuyasha's hair, and he was able to slip away from him.

Inuyasha joined Kagome by the fire and ran his fingers through the soft fur she was adding and complimented her work.

"Thank you. I hope it will help us in the winter."

He didn't comment and just sat silently beside her, watching the rhythmic motion of her hands passing a needle in and out of the furs. He found his gaze moving from Kagome's fingers up her wrist to her arm, shoulder, and then face. Her eyes were straining as she worked, dark patches starting to form under her eyes.

She was working herself to exhaustion for them.

Inuyasha placed his hands over hers, stopping her.

Kagome looked up at him, confused.

"Inuyasha?"

"Come to bed, Kagome. You need to sleep."

Kagome's eyes scanned his face before dropping to their hands.

"I can't yet. I have to get this done before it gets too cold out."

"One night won't change much," Inuyasha reasoned. "You should sleep while you can before the boys wake up."

She bit her lip, clearly wanting to fight him, but just nodded her head and moved to change as he turned around to provide her with some privacy. His ears picked up the sound of fabric rustling as she slipped into her sleep yukata. The air around them felt thick, and he found himself swallowing hard as she changed.

"Your turn," she summoned, slipping into her futon.

She was asleep before he took off his haori.

She looked so peaceful when she slept.

So beautiful.

* * *

Inuyasha returned home with Kenji on his back to find Akio and Kagome in the garden, harvesting the last of the vegetables before the first frost hit. Her hair had been pulled up and away from her face and neck, and she sang softly to Akio as she worked.

"Little Onna," Inuyasha greeted, hopping the fence. This surprised Kagome and made Akio bubble up with giggles as he reached for his father, Kenji doing the same for his mother.

"Who are you calling 'Little Onna', Aibō?" she laughed, helping him swap children. "I take it that fishing went well?" she mused, her eyes glancing down to his catch.

"Very. Fish for dinner?"

"Mmm…" she agreed, kissing both boys. He watched their faces light up in joy.

It made his heart feel full.

* * *

"What are you doing with this?" Inuyasha demanded, and Kagome swallowed hard.

He didn't look happy with her.

"I'm cutting it up to make the boys new clothes."

"But...it's Hojo's…"

"And?" she prompted, taking the scraps of her late husband's clothes from Inuyasha.

"And? _And?"_ Inuyasha sputtered. "I brought back cloth to use for that!"

"You did - you brought me back cloth so that I could repurpose Hojo's old things for them."

"Onna, I swear I don't understand you," he snapped, his anger simmering just under the surface of his somewhat calm exterior. "What the hell are you going to do with the fabric I brought home, then?!"

"I'm making you a new yukata!" she bit back, and she watched him gape at her, his mouth opening and closing like a fish as whatever retort he had ready died on his tongue.

"M-me? W-why?"

"You can't keep using Hojo's old things," she sighed. "They don't fit you properly, and i-it's time to let go of them," she finished in a whisper.

"Kagome," Inuyasha breathed. "You don't have to do this...I brought back enough fabric to make the boys lots of clothes for winter."

"Yes I do, Inuyasha. I...I can't hold on. It's not practical, and...they won't do Hojo much good now, anyway. He can't use them, but his son and yours can."

"Kagome…"

"Leave it, Inuyasha. They're his clothes for me to handle as I see fit."

He said nothing more.

* * *

"It's snowing," Inuyasha announced as he came back into her hut, arms filled with logs for the fire. His shoulders and hair were dotted with large, white, fluffy flakes of snow. "First of the year."

"You said it was coming," she mused, ladling stew into a bowl for him as he placed them beside the fire. "Can we take the boys out to see it? Do you think that's wise?"

"I don't see why not," he grinned, picking up Akio. "Our boys are big, strong, tough guys. Right, Akio?"

The baby gurgled happily at him, his voice rising in exclamation.

"See? Akio wants to go. What about you, Kenji?" he asked, scooping up the other boy into his arm, and he brought his hands together into a weak clap. Kagome had just taught him how to do that.

"Come on, Little Onna!" Inuyasha called, running off with the children.

"Wait, Inuyasha! They aren't warm enough for this! If they get a cold, you're a dead man, Aibō!"

"They will be fine!" Inuyasha called back as she tried to wrap a scarf around her neck, running after her boys and their crazy father. "Hurry up, slowpoke!"

Kagome quickly caught up to them, and Inuyasha kneeled.

"Get on my back."

"Eh?" she paused, perplexed. "Why do you want me on your back?"

"I want to take you guys somewhere," he grinned, his ear flicking away a snowflake.

She took the children from his arms and wrapped them onto her own back before climbing onto his. He leapt up before she could ask where they were going. The world zoomed around them in a blur, and she pinched her eyes closed and huddled closer to him, burying her face in his neck. She inhaled deeply, and the scent of sandalwood and rain-filled her nostrils. It was warm and comforting and _him_.

She felt herself relax and reopened her eyes.

It was actually beautiful seeing the world this way, now that she knew they weren't going to die...not that he would have let them, anyway. She felt foolish now to have ever worried. She was safe with him and this...this was _exhilarating_.

Inuyasha slowed his run and brought them to a hilltop overlooking a peaceful pond she had never been to before. Trees framed it, keeping it secluded from wandering eyes, while large rocks edged the pond.

"Inuyasha...this is beautiful," she breathed as she moved off of his back.

"I'm glad you like it," he grinned, pulling her closer to him as the snow continued to fall around them, painting the world white.

She turned to gaze up at him. He was so handsome with the way he looked in the dying sunlight, the snow swirling around him, kissing his skin before melting. He pulled her into his side, keeping her and the boys warm.

This was perfect.

* * *

A/N: THANKS AS ALWAYS TO SAUCY FOR AN AMAZING EDIT!!

And to everyone for reading and reviewing!!

Find out how to read chapters early on my tumblr!!

UNTIL NEXT TIME!!

**Author's Note:**

> View more about the fic here! https://lemonlushff.tumblr.com/picking-up-the-pieces


End file.
